It was much easier, pre-technology, to rent a cabin on the shore of a cursed lake.
Used to be families could disappear, but you and your terrified community knew you could continue to appease the lake because westward expansion would continue to deliver new renters.
These days, you spend all your time politely responding to AirBnB reviews like "Thanks for the feedback about the missing children. We did mention that risk in our listing, but can offer a 10% rebooking discount for next time!"
This whole food blog has enough creepy recipes for all of October, but the denture Jello ring is the crème de la crème of 60s haunted housekeeping.
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Dracula's House of Jokes!
A DISTRIBUTION NETWORK FOR laughs! RUN BY [undisclosed]
TODAY'S MESSAGE
What do you get if you come to my grand estate outside of town beyond the mists I can have my driver pick you up ha ha ha no don't put the part where I'm laughing that makes it sound like a trap no don't say anything about a trap this is a nice mailing list for jokes and invitations to my estate oh it's ruined do not send
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[next billing cycle: Jul 1]
[relatable content for good children june 30 2018 early edition]
A SLOVENLY CHILD: oh boy, that was a good meal, time to go outside and play, abandoning my dishes on the table and not washing my hands!
YOU (A GOOD CHILD): anything I've touched must be cleansed with fire lest it fall into the hands of my enemies, who can fashion a totem from any crumb that touched my lips and bend the universe against me through the connection I once had with it... I must move through this world without a trace
) No starting in taverns or bars. The party starts every adventure in a deep pit outside of town. The question is put to them: What are you doing in the pit /this/ time? And how are you getting out?
) No more evil geniuses. The party's nemesis should be an evil idiot who believes themselves a genius, but they're just lucky.
) A lock that can't be picked but responds to requests for enthusiastic consent
Sure, I /could/ get back to editing the writing project I'm entirely bored with
but I could also start a Discord server with no members and no need it's serving so I can read through settings and turn things on and off to see what they do
Sharpen your teeth and wind your hempen binders, it's time to follow the following:
) The Stars - See how they bend?
) Ajdur, The Mouth Full of Ashes - Want to be rid of desire, dancing for months straight in service of this being that drowns pleasure in its wake? Follow!
) Kult Buddies (TM) - If you prefer your cultist robe to have a cute logo & your name on it, follow the KBs! They're hiring! Ask for Gary!
Just found a locked chest full of WHILE YOU'RE OUT notepad phone messages left for me from The Jerk Store. My wife's been hiding them from me... for years, it looks like, according to the dates on these.
I wonder if they still need me?
Who wants to come over and play board games? I've got 'em all, I've got:
* ESCAPE from SEVERAL MONKEYS ISLAND
* DICE MASSACRE
* THAT'S LIFE: The Game Played with Wet Napkins
* ALIENS ABDUCTED MY HEALTHCARE
* Prussia 1882: 700 Miniature Soldiers Edition with Kickstarter Exclusive Bandage Packs and Soggy Boots
* Monopoly (SACCO & VANZETTI edition)