Dave Henry

☠ Programmer, ☣ Gamer, ☢ Dumbass... 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 (He/Him)





mort8088 shared a status by jeffowski
Church of Jeff
jeffowski@mastodon.world
1 day ago
mort8088 shared a status by Tim_McTuffty
Tim McTuffty
Tim_McTuffty@beige.party

@MaJ1 @Kierkegaanks Here you go - enjoy !

Douglas Adams' Train Station Biscuits Story (or What It Is To Be British)

This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train.
I'd gotten the time of the train wrong. I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of biscuits I went and sat at a table.
I want you to picture the scene. It's very important that you get this very clear in your mind. Here's the table, newspaper, cup of coffee and packet of biscuits.
There's a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.
It didn't look like he was going to do anything weird.
What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.
Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with.
There's nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your biscuits.
You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know...
But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn't do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?
In the end I thought, Nothing for it, l'll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened.
I took out a biscuit for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadn't because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another biscuit.
Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice..." I mean, it doesn't really work.
We went through the whole packet like this.
When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight biscuits, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one.
Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back.
A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my biscuits.

2 days ago
Dave Henry
mort8088@toot.wales
3 days ago
Dave Henry
mort8088@toot.wales

Save the Web by Being Nice By Andrew Stephens >>> sheep.horse/2024/4/save_the_we

May 13, 2024
Dave Henry
mort8088@toot.wales

We can have a different web By Molly White ( @molly0xfff ) >>> citationneeded.news/we-can-hav

May 13, 2024
mort8088 shared a status by BethanyBlack
Bethany Black
BethanyBlack@mastodon.social

I’m doing a show in Rotherham on a bill with Dylan Moran, Stephen Bailey and others and surprisingly it’s not sold many tickets which is insane!

If you’re around Rotherham on 1st June you can get tickets here for what’ll be a quite intimate gig with one of the greatest comedians who ever lived plus me and some others tickets.ents24.com/event/magna

May 13, 2024
Dave Henry
mort8088@toot.wales

@BethanyBlack Thanks for the heads up, got my tickets looking forward to it 😃

May 13, 2024
mort8088 shared a status by jsr
John S Russell
jsr@social.jsr.com

You would be surprised at how much I would pay for this, if it actually existed.

April 06, 2024
mort8088 shared a status by cory
May 10, 2024
mort8088 shared a status by stux
stux⚡
stux@mstdn.social

Aaah come and play!

May 10, 2024
mort8088 shared a status by justdaveisfine
Dave?
justdaveisfine@mastodon.social
May 10, 2024
Dave Henry
mort8088@toot.wales

@itsfoss btop

May 09, 2024
Dave Henry
mort8088@toot.wales

@bahmanm also flatsweep

May 09, 2024